selflessness

I just watched the latest "The Office" episode (It was the one where Pam and Jim get married). I might have teared up a bit actually. It wasn't so much the wedding that I enjoyed. It wasn't so much even the goofiness. It was Jim's words about how much he loved her, and his actions to prove it.

I usually like the things that happen in the BBC version better. I really enjoy how far down they take you, and I think that the show suffers in America because they aren't willing to take things to the extent that they really need to. They'd probably lose a few viewers if they told the story like it needs to be told, but at the same time, the story would be better. The american version of the stories is good. It's even worth seeing. But, as was said in "Stranger then Fiction" It's not great. The BBC show is going to be harder for an average American viewer to watch, but at the same time, it's a much more real story. Mainstream has more money, but a good story worth telling shouldn't be stifled.

Having said all that, I did enjoy the Jim-Pam wedding. I think that my favorite part was the selflessness that the couple showed.

"This is supposed to be about us!" The bride-to-be complained. But in the end, they made it about the other people instead. I think that that attitude is missing a lot. Marriage is about selflessness. It's about putting someone above you at all times. It's about not getting what you want because it's more fulfilling to put someone else first. Life is more better that way too, but that's another story. I didn't go into how the right story being less popular is similar to the Christian's message, but I could.

All in all, maybe someday I'll get married. Maybe my fiancé will consider who the wedding is really about and she'll make a good decision like Jim/Pam did. That's a ways off though...

In which I try something new

A month or so ago, I did something that I've never had the chance to do before. Babysit! There are several reactions that I expect to get. Some people would laugh at me and poke fun at that one time that I liked that girl who was a few years younger then me. Some people would question the wisdom at letting a boy (and at that, a boy who has never changed a diaper in his life) rear children. Others might think of that line I often get, "you're so good with children" and think nothing of me babysitting.

I enjoyed the job tremendously. I commented later, "it was just like when I get to play with kids, but I didn't have to share!"

We watched sleeping beauty. I was watching Laura Weatherford's niece Clara (about 4) and nephew Charlie (about 1). Johnny was there with me as his wife was working. A bit after the movie was over, Clara, laying on the floor, went limp. I tried to move her around, and carry her to other places, but she just giggled and continued to not move. Eventually I just left her where she started and started entertaining myself with playing with Charlie. He was having fun opening and closing a box. One year olds are so multi-dimensional. After a short while, the ignoring had it's effect on Clara. She tried to catch my attention with a whisper: "Only love's first kiss can awaken the princess!" As far as getting physical contact out of a movie date, apparently horror movies have nothing on Disney.

I snickered in unbelief. A poopy diaper, a crying baby, a child who misses mommy... these are the types of things that a babysitter might deal with. My situation is different. I suppose that it's for reasons like these that I, as a male, am not offered many chances to watch children.

I like to think my solution to this problem was elegant, simple, and complete. A stage kiss for the staged sleeping beauty, with my hand between our mouths and a loud KISSSSS noise. I had "awaken" my ward! Wide eyed, she stared at me and the evening was allowed to continue.

Babysitting is fun. I haven't felt that confidant in a long time.

Adventures in car buying

I just bought a new car. It's another Geo Metro (Geo-chan II). This one is a bit newer then my last one, and it has fewer miles then my last one. also it's not banged up, like the previous one was. Joel and I drove to get it. Joel usually comes with me to look at cars. You always need two drivers (so one person can go home with the new car) and Joel provides car buying advice, as he has purchased quite a few in like manners. As we were going home, he remarked that it was good that I got a car that I was happy with, instead of anything else.

And I suppose I am. It's slower, it's nothing to look at, but it's cheap. And it gets better mileage then about anything else on the road. It'll get me by day to day. I think it'll even appease the people who are so concerned with the car that I buy. I don't know if they realize how much it bothers me to suggest that I should purchase some vehicle that my job would afford. More like how much debt I can afford to go into.

Anyway. We were driving to get this car. The car is off of a highway. I am taking a highway. these two road intersect a few miles to the east of where the car is. I am driving eastward to get to this car. I decide to turn north a bit early in order to save some miles. As I start, the road is better then I expected. it's a nice solid gravel road, almost like a paved road. I pass a sign and think nothing of it. The road becomes a less gravely road. It's more dirt and less gravel. I go over a hill. At the top of the hill I notice that the sparse amount of gravel is now gone. I also notice that my steering is gone. My forward motion is continuing though, no worries there! I casually mention this fact to Joel, and he agrees, "oh! yes."

As we continue our trek down the hill, I decided that my best, indeed my only, course of action was to just press on. After another quarter mile or so, and some pushing from joel, I am stuck to the axles. (After all, if you're not buried to the axles, you're not really stuck yet) I'm also at a funny angle, because one side of the car is doing fine.

Joel and I begin our journey. It's only a couple miles to the place where the guy is selling what will almost certainly (and now even more certainly) become my new method of transportation. We discuss what it must have been like for the pioneers who would do walks like this every day. or all the way across Kansas. The north wind blows. We dodge Cow Pies. I continue to try to scrape mud off of my flip flops. The scenery is awesome.

...After a couple miles we find a farmhouse and ask for a tow, or at least possibly a ride. A couple of high school boys take us 4 more miles to the location where the car is being sold. I'd already made up my mind that if everything was as promised, I'd be happy to not have to call for a ride. On the way home, I am not dissatisfied with my purchase. Joel and I rode back together. ...For the second time Joel and I left in one car, and came home in a different one.

It was a good evening.

Perennials

I'm reading (again) "The Year's Best Science Fiction." I had forgotten about it when it first came out, but it was not to be left unread. I have been buying them for the past 8 years or so, and, like paying the water bill, I've never regretted that reoccurring purchase.

I had to put down "Texas"to pick this one up when it arrived from Amazon. The Texicans were just starting to "Remember the Alamo!" and secession was imminent. Alas! The true (mostly) history of a real place is no match for the Future Histories (Asimov's) of humanity, the Alternate Histories (Philip K. Dick's), the Space Operas (Alistair Reynolds), and the gold old yarns (Robert E. Heinlein) that a book of science fiction stories holds. Even still, I managed to hold off starting my new book for almost 2 days.

Usually a book of short stories will be grouped together by things that they hold in common. Stories For Men is a good read, and it's full of stories that have something to do with how a Man should, could, or would behave. Science Fiction Stories have Science Fiction in common. If you think that that is a limiting factor, you are sorely incorrect. I am constantly having to put the book down after each story in order to give myself time to reflect on what I've just finished reading. I jump from a 200 years away future ran by a Mongolian Empire to a future a few generations away where a boy spends all of his free time in the pursuit of any of the well sought after women who are scare in this future India. A few pages earlier, a SETI program found an artificial intelligence that built something (the story ended before anyone knew what it was) out of our moon. The reading of this book provides me with much to think about. The stories are good too.

I'm no stranger to recommending some of these stories. The best complaint is the size. "If the story is good, it's worth reading, But it ends!" This is often the case for myself too. Often the characters are caught up in a universe where something big, or everything(!) is about to happen. and then it's over, open ended and leaving you full of wonder. Instead of the next page being full of a great war with Heroic Deeds, Epic Battles, Lasers, and Good vs Evil, you turn the page to discover a smaller tale about racism as it applies to clones.

I don't know if you'll agree with me. And I quote from the very book I'm reading: "All machines know that humans are happiest when they think least" Perhaps it's true. Perhaps happiness is overrated too. Either way, I have a whole shelf of books, of which I could find several stories that you might enjoy. Try me sometime, if you're bored.

an intriguing nocturnal experience

I had a strange dream last night in which I fell in love with a girl. Who? Well, you might know her, except that I hadn't met her until said dream. The details of such a dream are pointless except that they can help us learn about ourselves.

I remembered what that feeling is like. There's choice involved, but, for me anyway, by the time the realization of that choice comes it's too late for it to be much of a decision.

In this case, I was always up. I had the excited feeling of "I-am-happy-to-be-around-this-girl!", and I hadn't gotten past that to "I-hope-I-don't-have-to-go-on-without-her", or "What-is-she-doing-that-for!?" Just as I was waking up she did something really bizarre and weird, but, it being my dream, I handled it perfectly and suavely to the point where everything was cool. Besides, I'm sure that there was a perfectly logical reason for her to say something that suggested that she was insane.

Anyway, it was a delightful way to experience a feeling that normally leads me to feel and act like a Jr. Higher. I'm gonna go back to bed, some of the people in my dream were going to go see a movie and I think she was one of them.

The future is a long ways away.

I was "camping" this weekend. (side note: commercialized camping is way expensive) We went river rafting somewhere in south Missouri. I didn't have a terrible time. I probably won't do it again.

As always, I get distracted... We were driving back this morning. I started thinking, as I often do, about how to improve the situation that I was in. It started with me thinking about all the ugly roadside ads in the sell-out state that is Missouri. Maybe Kansas doesn't have a lot, but at least we don't have that. We take better care of our roads too. I started thinking about constructive uses for those signs. if you put them side by side, you could build them into walls, and the roads would be sorta safer. I went from there to thoughts of just walling in the highways... No! Tubes! We could build cars to go 150 miles per hour that fly through them. If you sealed them along the walls and powered them by air you could keep air between them so that they couldn't crash into each other. ...but what if the seals broke...

How would we design travel if we could go from the ground up, starting today? People are scared of "Idiots" flying (that's why the FAA has so much power) and some people won't want to give up the power they have from being in control of their own car too. All this thinking about the future and again I realized how long it takes simple good technology to be inserted into everyday use. Why can't your alarm clock tell your toaster and the coffee pot that you're going to be awake soon. Then the thermostat could notice that you're leaving the house and turn off the air conditioning, to be resumed when your car informs it that you're on your way home? And of course the car would check the GPS to make sure that you were headed home so as not to be premature with it's warning the rest of the house. The alarm clock would read your calendar and have a suggested wake up time preset up for you. All of this is possible with technology that exists, and is in use, today.

So what's the hold up? Software. Someone has to write something that does what it can to make all these things interact in a good way. They also have to support this software. Then they have to sell it to an appliance company, who has to add these features to it's products. Then you have to do it in such a way that setting up this schedule is easy as pie.

Or easy as toast.

All this discontentment comes from me being bored in a two hour drive. I guess idle hands are the devil's work.

I am a Handy Man (part 3)

I am a handsome man. It was required recently that I be handy as well.

I woke up one morning a bit later then I usually try to. This didn't make me late for work, but it did mean that I'd have to shower quickly. Luckily, I had no desire to be in the shower any longer then I had to be because (apparently) the hot water heater had gone out. I checked it after work, and found that the pipes had leaked water and it that is what had put out the pilot. I found an 'O' Ring that was old and rotten, and fixed it. I noticed a suspicious burn mark on the copper, but I paid it no mind.

A month goes by...

I wake up one morning a bit later then I usually set my alarm for. This didn't make me late to work, but I would have to rush through my shower. Luckily, I had no desire to be in the shower any longer then I had to be because (apparently) the hot water heater had gone out sometime in the night. I checked it after work, and found that the pipes had leaked water and it that is what had put out the pilot. Adam had moved in by then, and Johnny was visiting as well. I got a couple text messages while at work that day about how they'd tried to relight it, but had failed. The one from Adam was suspicious though:

"you might wait until the heater dries out before you mess with it i keep getting shocked. I turned the water off already and got a wrench from Joel"

When I got home, I tried what Adam had already tried, and came up with similar results. I own the house though, so I wasn't as concerned about breaking things as he might have been. Also I wasn't getting shocked. Well, I wasn't getting shocked, but there was arcing happening between the lines as I untwisted the pipes. I pressed on though, undaunted. I got the offending pipe out, and called the man who provided most of the genetic material that makes me handsome.

I replaced the copper, conducting, pipes with non-conducting pecks. Then I discovered that the gas line was actually not a gas line at all, but an extension cord, capable of putting out 120 volts of electricty when touched. I actually discovered this several more times over the course of the evening. In the end I had Jeff Mccord from church come over and take a look at the electrical problem. We spent a couple hours trying to figure out what was wired funny, but to no avail. The final suggestion was to buy a roll of romex and go through replacing the cloth that I had with something better. This is a lot of work

The fuse that was making the pipes hot is still out and some lights don't work.

Ornery

Today at work I received an email that said something like this:

Is 10:00 on Monday OK for the meeting? let me know if that Doesn't work

I got a couple of replies (reply-to-all is just as easy to hit as is reply) that said something to the extent of "That does work for me"

I often say that the funniness of a joke is inversely exponentially proportional to the amount of people who get it. There's another, lesser known rule that has something to do with how if you're going to make fun of someone, it's best to make fun of yourself. Basically, I was set up to make fun of the people who sent emails saying that they could go to the meeting, after being asked not to, but instead I just sent an email too:

"10:00 works fine for me, I don't have anything going on"

You know what they say about assuming?

I was feeling a bit sick at work yesterday.  Well, my throat had been sore all week, and it was bad enough on Wednesday that I wondered if I shouldn't be at work.  I was lamenting this to the tech support guys (and girl)  and they suggested that most people would go see a doctor.  I realized that this was sound advice.  Doctors, being expensive, (and busy) are hard to come by, so I instead, Texted my (almost) Nurse friend Laura.  

Me: Hey what are you doing today?

Laura: Nothing really why?

Me:  I might be sick, and I was hoping you'd play doctor for me and give me a diagnostic.  

Laura:  I think you could have worded that diferently, did you stay home from work?

Me: No but I might go home and if I do I want to get this taken care of 

Laura: K, well I'm busy till 5.  But I assumed you would be at work so I didn't tell you that.  

A knowledge of Grace

Disclaimer: Christian

I went to a Passion play last week. Passion week is the name given to the the last week of Jesus's work here on earth before he was crucified. (I could probably link most of the words in that sentence, but I guess I assume most people know most of them already) They re-enacted the story about the woman caught in adultery and then (for the sake of their play) they assume that that woman is Mary Magdalene. Mary was a converted prostitute, so she had a lot of history. Anyway, in this play, at the crucifixion she sings a song.

While she was up there singing, I considered some things about grace. Jeremy Goering recently told me something about grace that has stuck with me, and I've been considering it a lot. Only the forgiveness of failure leads to a good realization of God's awesome Grace.

Back to the play. Mary was explaining to a certain Joesph (of Arimathea) some things about forgiveness. Joe hadn't quite got it yet, and was sorrowful about how he might have been able to do more for the (then-dead) savior) but she grasped it totally.

I then considered how many others who were a part of Jesus' life at the time also would have had that realization that Mary had.

Peter, who had always seemed to be pushing the limits of his faith, had just realized the horrible truth that he had so little.

Doubting Thomas (although I think a more appropriate name would be bitter Thomas) was unwilling to believe after such a let down. No trust at all!

Nicodemus realized what Jesus had stood for, but alas his belief was too late, and his chance to publicly ally himself with the God-Man was (apparently) gone.

The Un-stoned woman, the walking lame, the seeing blind, the demon-free epileptics... So many people had been taken care of, and fixed. So much grace for a fallen world.

For we who are alive are constantly being handed over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus may also be made visible in our mortal body. As a result, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

The Humility of a Youth VS the importance of myself

I started talking to the person who I've named in my Gmail as "Bloom family." I did this because the email that Rex gave me had his name in it. Then when that email was added to gchat, it came up as Shawna Bloom. I was confused, but I wasn't going to be confused again. It turns out that it's an appropriate name because tonight I have been talking to Brooklyn.

It's a lot of fun. Unlike most people who instant message, Brooklyn apologizes when she mistypes. The thing is, she isn't the fastest typist either, so she will sometimes spend longer typing out "I'm sorry, I forgot the ?" then it took her to say "What are you doing" Somewhere along the line, she got the Caps Lock key stuck on too, so I keep feeling chastised.

Another reason I feel chastised is because of how well she is doing. Maybe I am too used to my instant society, but I often won't take the time that I am given and use it as well as she does. It means a lot that she is willing to spend the sixty seconds to tell me that she didn't mean to insult me by forgetting that Question Mark. By Golly, this is Paul Page! He deserves Complete Sentences! What humility! I take pride in my text conversations, and I try to use correct punctuation (except I allow myself "teh" because I feel that it is a wrong done to me by the QWERTY design. I.E. tehpaulpage), but there are so many more times (sigh... driving) when I don't display the patience and persistence that this lovely girl has shown to me this evening.

Here's to you Brooklyn Bloom!

<3

Now we shall continue with the other appendage

I did something this morning at work that I have neglected to do for the past few days.  I listened to music!  I actually probably haven't been doing it because I've been moving around a lot and talking on the phone a lot, and I haven't had the chance to sit down and write code for a solid block of time this week.  But I digress...

A switchfoot  song came on and I remembered how much I like that band.  Then another Switchfoot song came on (from one of their newer albums), and I remembered how much I used to really like that band.  Some might say that I dislike them more now because what used to be a primarily christian band is now much more mainstream and secular, but I believe that I just liked their earlier style better.  It is, in fact, my age not and my religious views that is affecting my musical tastes.  

Joel Wakefield had a couple of sample Cd's in his car that each had one song on them that I really enjoyed, and I'd want him to play them whenever I rode with him.  After a few trips I realized that both of these songs were written by the same band, and both of these songs were from the same album!  A few years later, I actually got a copy of that album and the joke was on me because the difference between the songs that I liked and the rest of the album was like night and day (I've listened to them more now and I appreciate more of that album now that I'm older though)  

Anyhow.  The thought that went though my head when I was listening to music this morning was about track practice my Senior year of high school.  I would lead stretching while the coaches would change or something, and then they'd come out to join us.  Usually we would stretch one leg at a time.  The stretching of one leg would end and in preparation for the stretching of the other leg, I would call out "Switchfoot!"  I laughed at the time because no one had any reason to have heard of an obscure, christian band.  Even then my favorite jokes were enjoyed by only me.  

I doubt anyone remembers it, but I'm kind of happy to know that now there is  a chance for even a layperson to get my dorky joke.  

A long day

I recently mentioned how I had to wake up early on Wednesday.  This is the account of that day.  

The day began at 12:00 AM. I wasn't quite asleep yet.  In fact, I had been trying to achieve that state for the past couple hours, but I had been failing.  The late hour, or early morning, soon allowed me to begin my sleep.  

The alarm woke me up at 3:30.  I had already laid out clothes and I had packed all that I'd need so that I would be ready.  Usually it takes me a little while to get out of bed, but when I wake up extra early, I have less trouble.  I did drag my feet quite a bit in the shower though.  Even almost fell asleep in there.  I managed to get dressed and outside with a couple minutes to spare before the girls showed up.  The ride was uneventful.  We stopped at a filling station and bought a few doughnuts, dropped girls off at the airport, and then I drove home.  I had planned on listening to my favorite Tim Keller sermon, but I just prayed instead.  Except that I didn't concentrate very well.  I went straight to work in spite of the early hour because I didn't want to drive home to sleep for just one more hour.  6:30 - 8:30 I got a bit of work done, then I caught myself falling asleep.  ...No Tea... No Coffee... No Pop... All was not lost though.  Alex had purchased for me a couple of candy bars.  Not just any candy bars though, these were energy bars.  I ate the first half of the first one there at 8:30.  by 9:30 I ate the 2nd half.  10:45 I ate the 2nd bar.  

It wasn't so much that I couldn't stay awake though.  No my problem was deeper then that.  I couldn't even focus on anything.  I'd start to code something and then I'd blank out and forget what I was doing.  "Is this what it's like to get that one disease?  I wonder if I have enough gas to get around this week... I wish I could sleep.  What time is it?"  Actually my mind often goes around like that.  Usually though, I can keep one line of reasoning going at a steady rate, and usually, I can do it all in a second or two.  This was taking ten to twenty times as long.  When I left for lunch, I told Rex that I was going to lay down on the couch and see what happens.  "You don't think you know what's going to happen?" he just laughed at me.  I woke up after a couple hours of sleep feeling deliciously refreshed.  I even smacked my lips together a few times.  I looked at my phone (clock) and decided that I would go back to work.  The rest of the day at work was enjoyable.  

The lesson here is that Energy bars != sleep.  Coffee grounds work far better.  The other lesson is that blogging needs to be more regular or else the page will continue to fill up with words long before the story (and probably after the reader) is exhausted.  I can continue this exposition later

In which I am offered an Indulgence

Alex's phone broke last week and she left it with me to fix it.  I took it to work, expecting Randy to have the torque screwdriver that I'd need.  He didn't but I had left a fan blowing into it (it was wet) and it powered up just fine when I tried it.  Alex showed up to pick it up during my lunch break, and we had good conversation.  

Alex and Laura are spring breaking in California.  I had volunteered to drive them to the Airport on Wednesday.  Their flight was leaving at 6:00, so we had to leave my house ~4:00.  I mentioned that I would be tired that day at work.  Alex, very pleased with her offer, delightedly exclaimed, "I'll let you drink Tea!"  I looked over at her and grinned, laughing at her.  She realized her insinuation and laughed with me.  "I guess I'm pretending to be God."  I had suggested that I would following someone else's rules for a fast, but that actually only goes one direction.  She can tell me that I can't do something, but she can't tell me that I can.  Weird huh?  

The thing about morals is that you always know when you're not following them.  Some things aren't wrong for some people that are wrong for others, but there is a time when a line is crossed that is obvious to the crosser, if not to anyone else.  So Alex can set the rules for what is or isn't OK, but I'm the one who knows if I'm breaking them.  

You don't have to be catholic...

Alex is fasting for lent.  Her idea seemed like a good one, so I am joining her in it.  Wikipedia only seems to mention food in relation to fasting, and I think that that definition is quite narrow.  The point of a fast is to give something up that you'll miss, so this could include much much more then just food.  Social Networking, The Internet, newspapers, TV, texting... there are a lot of things that I would consider much more complicated to go without then just food.  

I joined Alex on her fast mostly for the challenge and some because I could.  Since they're her rules though, I don't have the luxury of fitting my lifestyle to the fast.  If she had chosen to fast from computers, I wouldn't have been able to work, but her rules are simple enough that joining her is easy enough.  Another benefit of joining her is that I'm more accountable to her rules then I might be to ones that I had designed.  

The rules in this case involve which liquids are drinkable.  In this case: Water.  The allowed liquid is water and only water.  No Coffee (which doesn't hurt at all) no pop (not missing that either) no Juice (hmmmm)  no milk (ouch!) and no Tea (this one is mean.  I have to go to bed on time!).  Nothing that's not water.  

This doesn't seem like that complicated or challenging of a fast.  I'm not missing much here.  The funny thing is that I see someone drinking milk or juice or whatever, and I think about getting some of my own.  I have a dull desire to drink something that isn't water, and it's still there.  I don't feel like I'll grow numb to it either.  I'm kind of happy that it seems like this will really be a chore to keep up.  

I was talking about this at work today to Jared and Wayne.  I was visiting Johnny this past weekend and he has a basket of assorted Teas.  I was admiring them, and even brewing them in my mind when I remembered the length of time it would be before I could enjoy such a beverage.  

When relating this Anecdote, Jared piped up, "Did you tell him that he was being a tease with his teas?"